Time to invest in canned foods and shotguns

What the fuck is this cat and dog language shit???!!!!  I’m sitting on the oh so lovely A train the other day (you assholes that complain about the G train have no idea!!!) and because I don’t read anymore I’m forced to look at subway ads.  Yes Dr Z we get it. After 20 years your stupid rainbow inspired ads still don’t instill confidence in me that you are capable of curing any sort of dermatological ill I may have. For the record I have none. Although as a child I had a hella bad case of back-ne. but I digress…. ad after ad. bad copy after bad copy and then I’m struck by these words

“…from the NY Times bestselling author of Can I Haz Cheeseburger…”

Can I Haz what???????????????

Are you fucking kidding me? Do they just hand this shit out to anyone? If so, I’d like to be a bestselling author please. I mean, I sort of write a blog. So, that must mean I’m a writer. Come to think of it I’ve had my photo taken several times so I’d like to be a model too. And let’s not forget that I cook for myself and friends from time to time so why don’t we add chef to my every growing list of titles.  Wow!!!!! I had no idea it was this easy being things without actual qualification or experience. Who knew?

I shouldn’t be stunned right? I mean I thought I had heard it all when I recently read the list of Fulbright scholars and saw Bill Clintons name next to Dolph Lundgrens!!!!!  The universal soldier and the universal philanderer sharing the same prestigious award??? Well, I guess if kickboxing and blowjobs can’t “help nations to learn at last to live in peace and friendship^“ then nothing can.

And yes another digression…

So, the bestselling book of cat and dog speak.  All cutesy as if our pets aren’t demoralized enough. You dress them up with coats and shoes. Give them ridiculous names. You carry them around in baby Bjorn’s and McCarran strollers. Now we have to create a language for them removing them even further from their ancestors??? They are the descendants of lions and wolves folks!!!!!!!!! I know that may be hard to tell when you look at Mr. Winkles, but believe me somewhere inside that ridiculous cockeyed animal is a ferocious monster waiting to puncture the carotid artery  of its prey even though it might dirty it’s new dress from puppyangel.com.

I can’t really say why all this is bothering me other than I happen to have a cat through my wonderful partner. He’s pretty kickass. He fetches, hi-fives, sits, lays, and is pretty damn close to rolling over. Not my partner, the cat. He eats meat off the bone, and hunts anything that moves like he’s on the Kalahari.  The last thing that I would want for him is to sound like some dandy! In fact my ideal version of the Oz man (yes that’s my name for him) would be something of a cross between James Lipton and Mr. T.  Or how about this; do you remember Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Of course you do. You remember it for Phoebe Cates, the spider gremlin and that rad scene where Slayer is playing, and the really smart gremlin that talked in an esteemed British accent. That’s the voice I’m talking about.  That’s dignity!

What any of this has to do with food I have no idea, but that’s the point of this whole exercise for me. This is my brain.

And this is my corned beef!

Now this isn’t your usual corned beef. We’re not using brisket here. We’re using bottom round. GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I know, but trust me this recipe pleases all. Those who like lean and fat.

Any self respecting butcher shop has got to have a few sliced deli meats. Especially if you’re cutting nose to tail. My grandmother’s passed on and probably so has yours so ain’t nobody buying bottom round anymore! And even though i could smoke brisket from now till BP cleans up that mess (read a very long time) it would be nice to do something else with them. So I give you roast beef, pastrami, and corned beef!

Give your butcher a call and ask them if they have a whole bottom round. Not the gooseneck which is the bottom round with another muscle called the “heal” attached, just the bottom round and tell them to leave that nice layer of fat on the outside part of the muscle. FAT IS FLAVOR folks!!!! If they don’t have the whole muscle then ask them for a piece and you can adjust the recipe you should have no problem getting 4-5 lbs.

What to put in it:

1 – 13 to 15 lb bottom round (lest you forget who I am and what I do let’s make sure that’s humanely pasture raised stuff here folks)
4 quarts of water
2 cups of salt
1 cup of sugar
4 cinnamon sticks
24 juniper berries
16 cloves
16 allspice berries
2 tsp mustard seed
2 tsp black peppercorns
1 tsp ground ginger
4 crumpled bay leaves
2 large onions (chopped skin on)
2 large carrots
2 stalks of celery

How to Cook it:

Place the water into a large 6 to 8 quart stockpot along with everything but the veggies. Cook over high heat until the salt and sugar have dissolved. Remove from the heat and add ice till that shit is cold. Once it has cooled, place the bottom round into large zip top bag or plastic container and add the brine. Seal and lay flat inside a container, cover and place in the refrigerator for 7-10 days. Check daily to make sure the beef is completely submerged and stir the brine.

7 days for less corny. 10 days for more corny.

After 7-10 days, remove from the brine and rinse well under cool water. Place the bottom round into a pot just large enough to hold the meat, add the onion, carrot and celery and cover with water half way up the meat. Set over high heat and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low, cover and gently simmer for 2 1/2 to 3 hours or until the meat is fork tender. Remove from the pot and thinly slice across the grain.

That’s it. Nothing else to it. And while I’m sure the most devout corned beef aficionados will scoff at using bottom round your Jewish grandmother and you will love me for the extra lean corned beef.

Fur Seals, Death Panels, and Excuses…

So, some of you may have been wondering where the hell I’ve been over the last couple of months. Most of you probably haven’t.  Well, I haven’t been riding the seven seas on a yacht living the life. Me and T-Pain.  No running around South America with my mistress while shirking my Gubernatorial duties. Not even something purely altruistic like saving baby fur seals.   I’d like to save baby fur seals. I don’t have anything against them. Unlike the Canadians I don’t have any desire to eat them.  I just feel that  fur seals got their shit covered. They don’t need me.  Plus, it’s easy to save something that’s so fucking cute.  Right? I mean if old people looked like baby fur seals do you think there would be any death panel debate??? Fuck no!  Their pictures would be on stamps, postcards, and hipster t-shirts.  Ok, so not all old people are hideous, but let’s be honest here not every old person looks as cute as Abe Vagoda or Estell Getty. Some, most, look like Anne Ramsey. That’s just a fucking fact

How about something a little lighter? Like traditions and crafts, careers and passions.  No not bible study. Food study.

What does it mean to carry on an old tradition in a modern world?  Do people care? Does it make a difference? Can you make a living doing it? All valid questions.  I think that if you go into anything that is a “passion” with the sole desire to make tons and tons of money you are setting yourself up for failure. At least that’s been my experience.  There are plenty of careers out there that are sole sucking. You can make plenty of money in any number of them.  I’m sure you know of a few. Passion as a career means maybe there isn’t enough money for a certain thing. Pay your bills; buy some food, maybe a movie or a drink out with some friends. That’s stretching it for sure.

I’ve always been passionate about my life choices. Some might call it obsessed. Music played a huge role in my life for many years.  Countless tours and rehearsals.  Making friends with people all over the country and the world. Experiences I will cherish forever. Music, or at least the artist side of it, is not an easy business to be in.  What also wasn’t easy was deciding to leave it.

A friend of mine worked in advertising and had read some things that I had written and felt like I’d make a good copywriter. Why, I have no idea.  Six months into it I believe she began to feel the same way. I know I did. Selling crap to people was never something that I aspired to do. Selling crap like Propecia or Plan B pregnancy kits is something no one should ever aspire to. So, after a few months, and more than a clue that nobody got my “humor”, “Propecia – You’re bald, it’s never coming back. Just buy a Porsche”, “Above the Influence – Don’t smoke weed, but if you do don’t worry. I know a lot of really successful people and they smoke a ton of it” or “Plan B – It beats a punch in the stomach”, I decided that another career change was needed.   Or maybe it was decided for me.

So there I was in my tiny Williamsburg apartment. Trying to figure out what I was going to do. Cooking had become extremely important in my life. My insurance would no longer cover therapy. Who needs more than 30 visits a year (my insurance providers little cap on mental health)?  So, I’d stop off at the grocery store, pick up a few items, and head home for some cooking therapy.  It worked.  You’re the master. You’re in total control of your creation. No reviews, no revisions, no rewrites!   Slowly I began to have this feeling that I knew what I wanted to be involved in. Nothing specific just yet. I just knew that I needed to be around food and food people.

The actual moment I knew I wanted to be a butcher came a few weeks later.  A friend of mine had given me a copy of Bill Buford’s Heat.  It’s an amazing book that chronicles the rise and even further rise of Mario Batali.  It’s full of amazing stories from the people that showed Mario how to cook Italian food the right way. From pasta making to butchering.  So, there I am sitting at my kitchen table reading about Bill’s first experience with Dario, the Dante quoting master butcher.  Talking about the experience of being that connected to your food, from slaughter, to butchering, to the oven, to your table.  That’s farm to table indeed!!!! All of this culminates in Bill flying back to New York, purchasing a pig and butchering it in his apartment.  A feat, only after rigorous training, is possible, but no less difficult.  I’m for hire (shameless plug #1).  From that moment on I knew that that’s what I wanted to do. That this was an art form like no other. One that I would soon find out is pretty much dead. Oh sure you think you’re butcher is an actual butcher. He’s not. Trust me. He just looks like one.  There are many reasons why this is so and it will all be discussed in future posts.

So, two years later, much like Bill, I find myself under the wing of a master. Josh of Fleisher’s.  Unlike Bill I’m a crappy writer and none of this will come out the way I want it to. Over the next few weeks I’d like to share with you what I learned up there.  I feel honored that the Fleisher’s family opened up their shop, homes, and hearts to me. Josh and Jessica are two truly amazing human beings.  Their knowledge alone is unsurpassed; together it’s just fucking crazy insane.  The people that work for them are no different.  Little Josh, Erica, Pablo, are all masters at what they do.  As I have repeated over and over again to those asking me “How is it up there?” I say “I’ve drank the punch. In fact I’m still drinking it and don’t plan on stopping”

For now I’d like to share some random photos that I’ve taken over the few months up there. Much like my writing my photography sucks.  No recipe this time around either since I haven’t been cooking a damn thing over these past months.  Time to get back to work.

Oh, if you look closely at the header photo you’ll notice a slight misspelling. I like to keep my options down there open thank you very much.

security detail

my other car is a cow

A is for artery, B is for bone marrow, C is for clogged, and D is for don't care

definitely not Perdue

why yes Cribs, this IS where the magic happens

single wide

Fins aren’t only on Cadillacs

Ok, so most of you know that my particular area of culinary expertise lies in the meat world. Yes, yes, delicious tasty meats, lamb, pork, goat, etc… Well, like Icarus, I must don my wings and fly. New adventures, new causes.  Hopefully not too close to any open flames.

But, before that I’d like to address something that’s been bothering me. First, why is every other commercial on TV an advertisement for some state? Is this really necessary and fiscally responsible for the states? I know where Arizona is. I know what’s there for me. I can go kayaking down the Rio Grande or maybe hit up a State Fair. Wait, does the Rio Grande go through Arizona.  State fairs??? Every state’s got one! Corndogs and rednecks. It’s all the same. Maybe you can check out some local “art” and buy some turquoise?  And what about Michigan???? I don’t care how big your lake is.  IT’S STILL A LAKE!!!!! Which to me means swimming pool, which means people pissing in it all the time and that shit’s (well piss actually. let’s hope no shit) not going anywhere!!!! Then to top it all off, the closing shot is of the GM building.  Seriously, Michigan??? That’s what you want us to see??? Come visit corporate greed and excess at its finest, folks! While you’re at it maybe sprain your ankle in one of their many potholes, maybe say hello to ousted GM CEO Rick Wagoner, or take a tour of the derelict Tiger Stadium. You can usually find a film crew shooting scenes for some sort of movie that’s theme revolves around post-apocalyptic something somewhere. Then there are those annoying California commercials. Or, should I say LA/San Francisco commercials. I mean really who’s visiting Fresno or Modesto? I’ve been to both. You don’t want to go.  Maybe it’s the NY’er in me, but I do not find train tracks running through the center of a “city” cute.

So, that’s my gripe these days. More to come. On to food!!!!

Over the last two months I’ve been given the task of revamping our fish counter. Easy you say? Ha! Guess again. There’s more to it than ordering a bunch of fish, gutting, scaling, filleting, etc… I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do. Talked with a lot of people and finally it hit me. We were going to try and be Brooklyn’s (as far as I know) only sustainable fish counter. Now notice I use the word try here. These are lofty goals my friend. Not easily obtainable. Especially if you’re running a gourmet food market. People want what they want. But, here was my chance to educate others and myself. So, with the help of my associate Berlin, the butchers set out to become fishmongers.

To say that the amount of information out there regarding fish is voluminous would be an understatement. Some other descriptive words I would use are “Incorrect” and most often “Wrong”.  This is an industry that up until recently had almost no oversight by government, be it state or federal. Fish were allowed to be fished from lakes, rivers, or oceans in any number of ways usually with a detrimental impact on the environment. Just to give you an example is some fish are caught using a method called “Trawling/Dragging”. Trawlers tow a cone-shaped net behind a boat. They tow midwater trawl nets at various depths, ranging from just below the surface to just off the seafloor. The nets are dragged along the seafloor.  This results in what’s know as bycatch which can include anything from unmatured fish to endangered species as well as severe environmental damage as the trawls disrupt fish and coral habitats.

After you take a look at how fish are actually caught you need to then look at the sustainability of the fish. Here’s a great example. Chilean Sea. You’ll see it on menus sometimes as Sea Bass. These fish have been overfished to the point of near extinction. Ok, ok, we’re not totally to blame here. God is. He made these fish so damn tasty and gave us a conscience. Conscience be dammed. So what do you do? Well, you look for substitutes, or taste alternatives. Unlike beef, pork, lamb, most fish have very similar qualities and one can easily be substituted for another. For example take Cod or maybe not since the fisheries are under a federally mandated close until at least mid June (my job never ends). So perhaps some Pollack, or Hake, or Haddock. All similar.  Haddock is most often used in fish and chips FYI.

That’s just wild fish. What about farmed fish you ask? So many factors to consider. First, is this a US farm or from somewhere else. I will say that you should only be eating fish that are farmed in the US. OK, so what methods are used to farm? Open Pens, Raceways, and Recirculating tanks???? My head is about to explode!!!!!!!

All of these factors need to be taken into consideration if we are going to eat in a more responsible and sustainable matter.

That’s where people like the Environmental Defense Fund, Blue Ocean Institute, the Monterey Bay Aquarium, and me come into play. There is valuable information out there, you just have to know where to look for it. There are sites that can be directly uploaded to your Blackberrys and Iphones to help you make decisions when you’re at the market or at a restaurant. They’ve got researchers, scientists, biologists, environmentalists, and any other kind of “ist” that makes you feel and know some smart people or on the job. They are working with the government to increase oversite of wild fisheries as well as farms. And they are helping people like me to enact change on a consumer level.

Where does one get all this information? Well, right here. Below is a listing of sites that I use on a daily basis to help guide me through these murky waters. Use them often and share them even more!

http://www.edf.org/page.cfm?tagID=1521

http://www.blueocean.org/seafood/seafood-guide

http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/cr/seafoodwatch.aspx

And if you really want to suffer from information overload, check this site out. It’s probably the most comprehensive source I’ve found.

http://www.seafoodchoices.com/home.php

So, what good would all this information be or this posting without a tasty recipe? And, what better recipe to have here than one that utilizes the most sustainable of all fish. Barramundi.

Barramundi are sweet, buttery, moist and delicate.  Barramundi are a great alternative compared to red snapper, Dover sole, sea bass. All of which should be avoided!!!!

These fish are farmed in Massachusetts by Australis Aquaculture and in the spirit of transparency I will share with you their website. Again there is a wealth of information there. Hopefully more companies like Australis will come to market and dispel the many myths about fish farming.

So on to the cooking. We’re gonna use a whole fish here. Fish, like meat, is much better on the bone. The gelatin-rich backbone is an excellent heat conductor, and the fatty skin seals in the moisture.  Furthermore, if you’re a miser like me, you’ll love that not an ounce of gorgeous flesh is wasted. Since I’m asking most of you to do something you wouldn’t normally do I’ll keep the recipe quick and easy. How does under 30 minutes sound?

Ingredients:

1 Barramundi – ask your fishmonger to clean, gut, and scale.  Here’s a little useful information make sure that the gills are intact before you purchase. Gils that are not reddish in color are a clear indication that the fish has been out of the water too long. That means it ain’t fresh!

2 Tablespoons, extra virgin olive oil
1 whole lemon
1 Teaspoon kosher salt
½ Teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
1 Tablespoon butter

Prep:
Preheat your oven to 450. Make three incisions in each side of fish and get all that seasoning in there. Salt, pepper, half the olive oil, and half the lemon juice.  Save the other half for a little seasoning before you dig in.  Place the fish in a shallow baking dish, dab with some butter and roast for 15-20 minutes.

When it’s done drizzle remaining olive oil and lemon juice over fish.   Maybe garnish with a few herbs, chives, fennel leaves or fresh rosemary. And, maybe serve with some nice Yukon Gold potatoes or some wild rice.

Simple and easy.

Drinkin, Restaurantin, and Argentinian BBQ’in

I think we’re over the last bit of cold.

And as my colleague Daniel and I closed out our latest session of “Monday Night Drinking Club” at the Brooklyn Public House all I can say is GOOD RIDDANCE and when can we fire up the grill?

I’d first however like to draw your attention to the new issue of Saveur and the story “12 Restaurants That Matter”. Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone hates to be told what they should be listening to, wearing, reading, and of course, eating. Eat whatever you’d like. I don’t care. But, if you are planning on going out and spending some hard earned cash on a place to eat why not try one of these two options.

Marlow & Sons:

What can be said about them that already hasn’t. Their homegrown empire consists of four restaurants, Marlow & Sons, Diner, and 2 Bonita locations. There’s also their amazing new butcher shop Marlow & Daughters. At Marlow you get a daily changing menu based on seasonal offerings. Yeah, who doesn’t do that these days? Ok, so I’m biased towards most things Brooklyn. But more so on the fact that these places tend not to sprout up from financiers, star chefs, or deep pocket trust funders, (Not that there’s anything wrong with these).  They are a culmination of the stars and planets aligning. The idea championed by Julia Child, simple but good and fresh. And lastly I guess a clientele that was and is mostly like them. DIY’ers for lack of a better word. Artists, musicians, all drawn to the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn on the eve of it’s explosion. I guarantee that a meal here, whether it be a quick snack of oysters or a full on steak, will not be unrewarded.

Blue Hill at Stone Barn:

All you suburb dwellers thought I’d leave you out, huh? Well there’s a reason why all us city folk make it up there from time to time and it’s not just to hit the outlet malls. It’s for Dan Barber and his crew down on the farm. If you’ve never experienced farm-to-table dining then I suggest you give it a shot come this summer. Stop eating what your grandmother cooked for you and start eating what you’re grandmother probably ate. Food that traveled maybe 100 yards, not 1,000 miles. Sustainable, ethical, and of course, delicious. If ever you had even the slightest desire to live a more agrarian lifestyle this place will put you over the edge!

Ok, so on to the grilling.

The section of Brooklyn that I live and work in is extremely diverse in terms of ethnicity, religion, and careers.  However, for some reason it has become quite the destination lately for writers. Sorry Park Slope.  Like some sort of tractor beam, this part of Brooklyn tends to draw a lot of them. Some of these writers like to eat good food. Some of them like to write about it. That’s where I come in.

I received a call not too long ago from a writer for Outside magazine regarding a story on Parrilla, or South American BBQ.  This style of BBQ has more to do with the meat than the actual method. The method is simple. A grill grate placed atop some bricks, slightly tilted so the fat can run off and not drop directly on the coals.  Some coals. A match. That’s all. The secret here is in the meat. South American and more specifically, Argentinean Beef is amazing. Purely pasture raised, it has the flavor of a natural grazing animal. Minimal work is done to the cuts as to keep them in a more natural state. Like they just came off the bull. Minimal spicing is used. Some salt. Some pepper and you’re done.

So, not too long after our phone conversation, Steven, the writer, stopped by the shop and we began our BBQ journey.  We talked a bit about what he wanted to do and the best cuts that could be used and after an hour or so Steve walked away with some hanger steak, beef tenderloin, and short ribs. The short ribs for this purpose are cut cross section as they are meatier and in my mind better for BBQ. Sure, sure, a huge bone sticking out of all that liquid when you’re braising a short rib looks impressive (and it doesn’t hurt in the thickening department), but the only thing that’s getting thickened when I’m bbq’ing is my waist! So, more meat and less bone please!

And just like that Steve was out of my life. Never to be heard or seen from again. That is, until, one morning there appeared in my lowboy a piece of tinfoil (clearly wrapped and re-wrapped several times) with the name Bryan on it. I stood up holding the foil high above my and demanded “What is this, who put it here, and why has it been opened if my name is on it???!!!” Nobody answered. Nobody really pays attention to me. I unwrapped it and there they were a few small pieces of short ribs. Picked apart by vultures no less, but yes a few remaining bits. They were slightly charred and smelled of smoke and beef. They tasted like the best steak I had ever had. Cooked perfectly. Seasoned perfectly. The only thing that was not perfect was the fact that there wasn’t more.

For now at least there isn’t. There will be soon. I’ll gather my bricks and grill grate. Fire up the coals and it’s next stop Buenos Aires!

In the meantime check out the video of Steve and my meat!

http://outside.away.com/outside/culture/200904/steak-parilla-video.html

Goat vs. Lamb

Yeah, I know that sounds like something you should be listening to. Right?  Like I’m going to turn on satellite radio and right after Matt & Kim, Santigold (for what will probably be the millionth time), MGMT (for the million and first time), the same old Pavement song they always play (for what, cred?) Boom!!!! There it’ll be Goat vs. Lamb’s “new” song.  It will cross genres. Taking cues from every musical fad there has ever been, sweeping highs. Soaring lows. Complex. Simple. Sad, yet upbeat. And, it will suck!!!!

This is my one chance to tell you how bad I think satellite radio is. What’s the point? Ok, so maybe I don’t have to hear someone advertising “Ladie’s Night” at Hunkabunka off of Jericho Turnpike in Long Island, “Ladies Free all night, Dudes $20 cover” every 15 minutes. And yes you should repeat that last phrase in your best radio voice. Or, if you can’t, call me, I’ll do it for ya. What you have to suffer through are at best college level DJ’s. No, we’re not talking radio personalities here, folks. And it’s satellite radio, aren’t we paying to NOT hear people talk. That is unless it is an actual talk radio station and then go ahead talk all you want.  Add to that the same old boring play list. I’m completely aware that terrestrial radio here in NYC sucks (with the exception of WFUV and the like), but are you telling me that I have to pay for the privilege of listening to this?  3000 miles away in magical places like Portland and Seattle they found a way to get some good stuff over the airwaves folks.

Well, I’ve got a remedy for all of this. It’s called Pandora and it’s awesome. I’ve used it so much it’s like me and the Pandora are one. I’m thinking it and they’re playing it. They’ve been around for a bit and I’m not too sure about all the technical crap behind it. What I know is this, you log on. You type the name of a band, a song, a record. Its starts to build a play list according to the genre, the tempo, the melody, whatever. You click thumbs up or down and it learns what you like and don’t like. Yeah yeah yeah I hear you saying, “Well then it must be awfully quiet in your apartment Bryan if it’s building a playlist according to your likes”. F-you! I got Journey for days son!

Is there anything better than music and food? I think not. Those two things are so firmly established in my mind and belly. I can name a venue, both music and food, in almost every city in this country where I’ve played and eaten in.  I’ve shared meals before and after-shows with some pretty awesome people. Musicians, roadies, wait-staff, owners. Good times.

So get your play list going and let’s cook.

Goat of course. I know, I know, goat you say? Well, I’m not William Poole and this ain’t no mutton. This is Cabrito.  Cabrito is translated as roast goat kid. It is a regional specialty of many central and latin american countries.  Goats are one of the oldest domesticated species.  We’ve used them for their milk, meat, hair, skins, and God knows what else. The taste, similar to lamb. Though the taste does change as the goat matures.  63% of the red meat consumed in the world is goat meat. Goat is lower in total cholesterol and saturated fats than many other meats.  You’ll probably need to go to a specialty shop or contact your butcher ahead of time to make sure they have goat.  You can also get it directly from farms like the one owned by Bill Niman. While you’re at it check out this great story the Times did on him a few months back,

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/15/dining/15goat.html?ref=dining

Ingredients:

1 rack of goat frenched (Frenched rack refers to the way the meat at the tips is cut away exposing the bone)
1 pinch sage
1 teaspoon garlic
½ teaspoon paprika
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
½ oz olive oil
fresh rosemary chopped
salt and pepper to taste

Prep:

Cut the rack into 8 individual chops. This should be fairly easy since your butcher will have removed the chine bone.  Make sure these chops are uniform so everything cooks evenly. Get yourself a bowl and combine the garlic, sage, paprika, balsamic, olive oil, rosemary, salt and pepper.  That’s it. It’s that easy. Give your goat a little bath in the mixture and you’re ready to go. I recommend using a flat top for this, but if you only have a skillet you’ll be ok. Just make sure you cook in batches. You don’t want to overcrowd the pan here.  We’re looking for a nice crust.  Give your flat top or skillet a little oil rub here. I use vegetable as we’re going to cook at a medium-high to high heat, and get these guys on for roughly  3 minutes each side. That’s it. I’ve been lazy on the sides lately so I served this with a bit of polenta and made an au-jus out of all that goodness left in the pan.

The other cuts of goat are similar to lamb and can be prepared similarly.

By the way, Goat vs. Lamb, my band, has a show tonight in Bushwick. We go on at 1am. Free PBR and tater tots till they run out.

Chowda Season???? Wabbit Season!!!!

Ok, so I’ve got a problem with seasonal eating. No, not that sort of seasonal eating. Asparagus in the winter sucks and not that I eat these things, but boneless skinless chicken breasts should also be called meatless during this time of year. That is if you’re eating the healthy kind.  What I’m talking about here is the kind of seasonal eating that one partakes in when they go on vacation. Sure if you go to Italy in August everyone has closed up shop and is on holiday for a whole month. But you know what folks?  We’re Americans. We work hard all year ‘round. And we only get two weeks off. So, can someone please explain to me that when I was in Rhode Island this weekend and I had chowder on my mind, every single roadside restaurant was “Closed for the Season”? What season is that???!!! The season where it’s cold and snowy and a bowl of some chowder might do you some good???!!! I mean come on folks, this is Rhode Island.  If I’m not getting some chowder and my kid doesn’t go to RISD what’s the draw? Let’s be honest, take away those things and you’re Delaware. Even the Jersey Shore’s got fudge! Ok, they have guidos too, so maybe that’s a wash.

Needless to say I didn’t get any chowder nor crab cakes. I did get some delicious beef bourguignon followed the next night by fish tacos, all courtesy of chef Claudia who was gracious enough to let me play sous chef.

So, here I sit back in Brooklyn, chowder-deprived and what do I do? Cook chowder you say? No. Maybe some crab cakes? Nope. Another stew! Rabbit Stew.  What better way to get the ocean off your mind?

I’d had rabbit on my mind since one of my Italian customers came into the shop and ordered some. She waxed poetic about her youth, eating rabbit, and how her father would kill her if he knew she was paying what she was for rabbit here in NY. Ahhhhh, the old country and all its bountiful glory. What can you do?

Instead of a fricassee, which is traditionally stewed in white gravy, or a dark roux for that Creole touch, or a Hasenpfeffer, (a German rabbit stew) I aimed straight for the heart of my mom. Rabbit Puttanesca.  Sugo all puttanesca, as the sauce is called, is not part of traditional Italian cuisine and became popular in the 1960s. There has been some debate as to the origin of the name. All I know is that it tastes good. Call it whatever you want.

Ingredients:

1 whole roaster rabbit (roughly 5 pounds and let’s get these guys locally. OK? Your local gourmet shop will most definitely have them.)
A few teaspoons of olive oil
A few teaspoons of vegetable oil
5 or 6 cloves of garlic chopped
2 onions finely chopped
2 of each, red and green peppers
28-oz can of chopped tomatoes
1 cup of red wine

1 cup of vegetable stock (you could use chicken but I think this masks the taste of the rabbit)
1 cup of pitted and chopped Kalamata olives
2 or 3 handfuls of brined capers (drained)
2 2-oz can of anchovies

You’re gonna need some time with this one so go easy on the wine. Pace yourselves here.

Prep:

Give your red and green peppers a nice little wash and then place them directly onto the grates on you stove top. High heat and a few minutes is all you need to get these suckers charred on all sides. When they are good and black, place them in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let sit for about 30 minutes. After that what you’ll have are peppers that have been transformed into some smoky goodness. You’ll seed these and then chop ‘em up, and add to the sauce later.

While youre peppers are going through their 30 minute transformation you can start browning the rabbit. Ask your butcher to section it for you or you can do it yourself. It’s roughly the same as sectioning a chicken. Roughly. Get your dutch oven going here over a high heat with some vegetable oil. A good peanut oil, which has a high smoking point, will do. Be sure not to crowd your pot here. We want brown and crisp, not steamed. So go at it in batches.
Rabbit is very low in fat so parts like the rib section aren’t the best eats but it all adds flavor so throw it in!

Once you’ve got your browning down now is the time to start the sauce. Add your onions and garlic to the remaining juices of the oven along with a tablespoon or two of some olive oil. Medium heat and about 10 minutes and your onions and garlic are ready for a little wine bath. Add a cup of dry red wine and let that reduce by about half.  Stir in your anchovies and let those completely integrate into the sauce. They should almost dissolve. Once you’ve got that done stir-in the rest of your ingredients and place your rabbit sections down into the sauce. Raise the heat to high and bring to a boil. Once you get that sucker boiling dial it back and let it simmer for 1 ½ to 2 hours. I usually start checking at the 1 ½ mark and let it go until it’s the tenderness that I like.

One word of warning here, HOLD BACK ON THE SALT.  Some pretty salty friends are at this party. Capers, anchovies, olives. So do a quick taste test before you start pouring on the salt.

I served this over some polenta and that was it! Like I said, this is no 30 minute meal here.  Try 30 times six!

Blued, Stewed, and Tattooed

Ok, so if there’s one thing I know, if you’re going to feed a horde of people you better make a lot of whatever it is that you’re cooking. You know that feeling you get when you look at your pack of cigarettes and there’s like 2 left and it’s only 10pm, you’re home and don’t feel like leaving your apartment? Well, that’s the look people get when they start to see the bottom of the pot and they haven’t gotten their fair share yet. Ok, ok, so I live in NYC and at 10pm I could throw a rock and hit any number of these things; an unemployed Wall Streeter, a vegetarian, someone on a fixie, and yes, a bodega selling the aforementioned product. You get my point.

If I know another thing, the food better be good. Especially if you’re cooking for a bunch of wine and food snobs. For some strange reason I volunteered to do just the thing at my company’s one year anniversary party. Perhaps I was overtired, hungover, kissing ass, or more likely a mixture of all three.

Stew to the rescue!!!!

Stews are absolutely perfect in my mind for such an occasion. Soup makes you look like a copout cook. How are we supposed to know that you just didn’t buy 20 cans of Progresso and heat it up?  And casseroles make you look like a Midwest house frau. Stews are the food of a people.  Peasant people.  Cooked long and slow over low heat to allow simmering which helps to blend flavors, they are thicker than soups and a bit more liquid than casseroles.  Any kind of liquid (that’s consumable) will do.  Water, wine, stock, beer, all four. And any kind of meat is fine, although stews tend to be cooked with less tender cuts which break down over the simmering process.

There are blanquettes or fricassees, white stews, that are traditionally made with lamb or veal blanched or seared (not browned) and then cooked in stock. Then there are red stews which you first brown the meat and then add it to a mirepoix and of course your liquid.

I prefer browning meat before I cook it for the simple fact that it just looks better

Of course none of what is mentioned above is set in stone – use lamb, beef, seafood. Use wine, beer, water. Brown it. Don’t brown. Whatever. Just make it taste good. And make enough!

For this recipe I used top round. The level of tenderness a piece of top round acheives depends upon where in the muscle you’re getting the cut. This, however, is not important because we’re using it for stew. You could also use chuck, which tends to be fattier or even tenderloin if you’re rollin’ in dough.

I really dig Middle Eastern spices during cold winter months. There’s something about the smell while you’re cooking, and the taste while you’re eating that instantly warms you up.

So, clear your schedules. Pick your favorite Pandora station. Grab a couple of bottles of wine. You’ll need some for the stew too. It’s gonna be a couple of hours.

Disclaimer: I have no idea how many servings this makes. A lot is what I was going for.  No such thing as too much. It gets better every day that passes. Freeze what’s left and you’re set for a while.

Ingredients

Roughly 2.75lbs of Top Round cut into cubes. I prefer about an inch think or so. (use the good stuff here folks. Either pasture raised or all natural ABF/HF Prime meat. NO FEEDLOT CRAP!!!!!)
1 Large onion finely chopped. If you don’t like chunks of onion in stuff then use a box grater and turn it into pulp. But trust me here. As someone that hates chunks of onion in stuff you’ll never know. It cooks down and melts away.
8 cloves of garlic crushed
1 teaspoon (plus a few more dashes) of each of the following ground ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, turmeric, cumin, and whatever else you would like. Make this your dish!!!
1 teaspoon of salt. You’ll probably need more to taste. I always do.
1 teaspoon black pepper. Same goes for the pepper. Remember this is a recipe not scripture!!!!
1 cup dried apricots
3 large sweet potatoes
3 large carrots
6 cups chicken stock
2 cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed

Prep

Heat a couple of tablespoons over a medium-high heat in a dutch oven (and yes folks, if you don’t have one of these in your kitchen get one. They are indispensable). While that heats up take a bowl of flour, mix some salt and pepper in there, and stir with a fork. Toss in your meat and coat it. When you’re done shake off the extra flour mixture.  Cook the meat in batches until it browns. Don’t overcrowd your oven. This will significantly lower the temp and actually steam and not brown your meat. Transfer to a plate as you’re finishing. Once down with the meat add your onion and garlic and cook for roughly 5 to 10 minutes, as the onions need to soften. If need be, add a spoonful of water to prevent sticking.

To the onion add your spices. Cook for roughly one minute. Add the dried apricots, potatoes, carrots, beef, and stock and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and cook for roughly 2 hours. You’ll know when it’s done!

Mix in your chickpeas and heat all the way through and you’re done!!!!!

Make up a batch of couscous and you’ve got yourself a meal!!!!

Like I mentioned above this dish gets better with time. I made this the night before our party. Stuck it in the fridge. Carried it on the subway and then walked over to my bosses’ house and plopped it on the stove. Heated it through for roughly 20 minutes and it was devoured in as much time.

Of course yours truly didn’t get a bite because he was too busy singing his duet with Rob.

Don’t ask me what it was or for that matter how I got home.

Yes, it was a good party.

Lambda Lambda Lambda & Swine!

Ok, so a lot has happened since I’ve last posted. I moved to a rad new loft with a rad new roommate. My mom moved to Georgia. What is it about the South and the migratory patterns of NY’ers?  They’re like penguins slowly shuffling across the tundra that are the Mid Atlantic states only to repeat the trek in reverse when it’s 150 degrees in the summer. Is there some sort of biological switch that’s triggered with menopause and an enlarged prostate? Must move closer to the equator, must resist seasonal changes.  Must buy wicker furniture.  Anyway, the part of Georgia’s nice. That is, if you like a bunch of NY’ers telling you why the south is so great and how you’ve just got to “Relax. Slowdown, That’s how things are done here”. What???!!! Hey listen I’m the one that’s traveled this country and the goddamn planet. You just got there last week. You slow down! Drink some sweet tea and shut up. Here’s another thing. Sure sure, NY’ers get a bad rap for being unfriendly. Bullshit and shenanigans on that. Just ask a NY’er directions. I dare you. But here’s the thing YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY HELLO TO EVERYONE!  Driving around my mother’s complex 15 times we had to slow down to an almost stop and wave at some stranger. How do I know it was a stranger? Well, besides that my mom had been there roughly two days, and knowing my mom, as friendly as she is, she needs a bit more time, I asked, “Do you know that person?” She replied, “No, that’s just what they do down here.” I asked her if she felt that that was a bit insincere. That somehow you cheapened the wave hello relegating it to the same insignificant status as a head nod.  Yeah, I recognize your existence as a carbon based animate object, I’ll wave, but that’s all. I’ll wave to your dog too. Her reply, “Hey look Bryan, that’s just what they do”. Apparently, that’s what they do. Honestly my main concern was a bunch of septuagenarians riding around in cars taking their hands off their steering wheels every two feet.

So my new pad! It’s awesome. Not that my old place was horrible. It’s just different. More me now.  I’ve got a roof deck that’s used every night when I get off work. Screw therapy! A cigarette, a glass wine, and a city view. No need to shell out $250 to a stranger asking me “How does that make you feel?” every two minutes. On top of that there’s an awesome kitchen. This is where the  post comes in. New apartment means party for new apartment, party means food, and that means you’ve got to cook something. Sure Trader Joes fills a void for some and I have to admit there were a few things that made their way from their shelves to our counters, but you’ve got to cook something for your quests. What, are we animals?

Recently I’ve been eating a lot of lamb. Shoulder, saddle, leg, loin chops, everything and anything lamb. Time constraints and the fact that parties of this nature lend themselves more to finger food than a crown rack my mind drifted towards the ultimate in finger food. Pigs in a blanket. Or rather lamb in a blanket.  A bacony dough blanket that is.

This is about as easy as it gets. I’m not going to tell you how to case your own sausage. I’ll do that later. It’s easy and the combinations are unlimited. What I will tell you is that you need three things. A package, or two or three, of spiced lamb sausage, a package of smoked bacon. I think applewood works great. And just so we don’t get too high class here a container or two of crescent rolls.  I wont tell you which products to use, but let’s try to feed our quests good, all natural, food!

You’re going to assemble all this stuff in the same way you would pigs in a blanket, but first get your oven going at 350 degrees while you prepare. Take your lamb sausage and cut each into quarters and do the same for the bacon. Take you crescents rolls and begin to cut each into little strips. This isn’t exact science here folks.  I’ll trust you know what to do. Now that you’ve got all your little lamb, swine, and dough bits ready to go it’s assembly time.  Take one sausage and one strip of bacon. Wrap the bacon around the lamb sausage and then wrap one strip of the dough around both. Done son!  Place these baaaaah-d boys (I couldn’t resist. sorry) on a greased backing sheet and cook for 21-25 minutes.  What you get when you’re done is a completely satisfied palate.  You’ve got the butteriness of the dough, the smoked saltiness of the bacon, and the spice of the lamb sausage.  Throw in a Blue Moon and consider me satiated!!!

The Sky Ain’t Fallin’ and Neither is the Unemployment Rate

It’s been a long week folks. Running around, taking care of friends, and all sorts of shit. How to gather up all this information into one post has been racking my brain for two days. That’s a lot of racking! So, instead I’m going to skip all that crap for now and just throw up (curious choice of words perhaps) a simple, yet no less delicious recipe. And cheap too. If you need chicken parts well then. I’d be happy to post something to show you all how to cut a chicken.

The recipe is inspired by the simple fact that one of my favorite customers came into the store this week and announced to everyone that my whole chickens were the best he had ever had and that a simple little addition to the cooking process, that I turned him on to, was revelatory. Now, being someone who almost always speaks in hyperbole my bullshit sensors went wild. So, I wrapped up one for myself, took it home roasted it up, and dug in. Of course I’ve had one of my own before. What kind of butcher do you think I am? I don’t sell anything that I haven’t tasted and couldn’t wax eloquent, ecstatic, or any other way to wax something. Just had never prepared it this way.

This recipe is as simple as it gets, but as Ms. Childs said you don’t have to cook fancy, just use good ingredients. Or something like that. And that’s what this meal is all about. Good and simple. It involves one whole chicken. You could substitute a game hen perhaps, but this is America son! Bigger is better. There’s a simple little marinade that I find to work with a lot of different dishes and then a tiny bit of legwork. That’s all. Throw in some roasted rosemary potatoes and you’ve got a pretty damn good meal to end the summer. Enjoy.

What you’ll need

1 whole chicken (3 – 3 1/2 lbs)
1/2 cup fresh orange juice
4 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons white-wine vinegar
2 teaspoons honey
1/8 teaspoon minced peeled fresh ginger
1 teaspoon garlic (I like a lot. You may not)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 onion halved

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees. Next take that whole bird and give it a good rinsing and when you’re done with that a good towel dry.

Mix together your juice, soy sauce, vinegar, honey, ginger, garlic, and salt. Once you’ve got the marinade all together place your chicken in a bag (the plastic type of course) dump in the marinade and let it rest, chilled, for 15 minutes or so.

Get yourself a nice little 13 x 9 roasting pan. Place that bird in the center and before you pour on the marinade take that half onion and shove it inside! This, couple with the basting is going to render the juiciest chicken you’ve had this side of brining.

That’s it folks. All that’s left to do is pop it in the over for a total of 40-45 minutes. For the first half hour you’re going to take your baster and give this bird the ol’ prison house fire hose treatment every ten minutes. After that, let it cook for another 10-15 minutes. You’ll start to see the skin turn a beautiful golden brown color and the wings and legs will start to get a nice glazy burn to them.

Transfer to a place, pour the juices on liberally, and dig in.

Madonna Hates Meatloaf (and maybe me and you)

Ok, so, is it really a big deal that China computer enhanced their fireworks display or that there was some lip-synching going on? Has it cast a black cloud over the Olympics? Do you feel “Conned” in the words of one BBC reporter???

Come on folks. It’s a show, right? It’s one big Super Bowl halftime show. Sans wardrobe malfunctions perhaps. With all the pomp and circumstance one would expect.

Let’s get down to brass tacks here folks. China’s just doing what we do, better. Who better to triumph perceived perfection than a nation of billions? They win by sheer numbers alone!

No worries though. Until China becomes the melting pot/mixing bowl that America is they will never have the diversity in distaste, dysfunction, dilusion and any other alliteration you think we can possibly possess.

So here you have this poor little crooked toothed, bad haircut Chinese girl that just happens so sing well. Obviously this is open for debate since I think the sound of little kids voices signing is about as tolerable as cats in heat. MEEEE-OOOOOOW, MEEEE-OOOOOOW, MEEE-OOOOOOW. And like OZ behind the curtain she is upstaged by her much cuter, peace sign flashing countryman, -woman, -kid, whatever.

But doesn’t Oz’s curtain hang all over the fucking place. I mean, let’s take Madonna since her mug has was plastered all over the my computer screen this morning telling me how great she looks at 50 or 60 or whatever age she. Let me tell you something about Madonna. She’s old and looks like fucking shit! I don’t give a crap what you tell me. “She’s in great shape”, “Her face is beautiful”, and “She’s so toned”. BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT. She looks like fucking Skeletor. With ill fitting clothes. Christ even Skeletor knew to wear something that would excentuate his “positive” features. And let’s be honest if I had all those personal trainers, stylists, nannies, and various individuals to primp me all day every day and I were Madonna I’d be asking for a small refund.

Here’s a news flash, because honestly it’s really all about looking good for the opposite sex. Fuck feeling good and “centered” and all that crap. Eat, smoke, and drink if it makes you happy. Because I’ll take a happy chick over some dour one any day. And let me tell you something, Madonna doesn’t look like any laugh-o-minute fest to me.

So what does this have to do with food you ask? Well up until this point nothing. So here I present to you my plan to make every woman on this planet look like Nigella or if not all A LOT!!!! Yes yes, I’m outed. I’m expressing my undying love for Nigella. This woman, who not only cooks (with a ton of butter I might add), is insanely hot. I know it, you know it, we all know it!!!!

I can’t think of a better way to fill in the crevices of all your starving faces, to stick some meat on your exposed rib cages than a meatloaf with three types of meat. Stuff it with some more meat, cheese, and ok maybe a little roughage, then at the last minute top it with some more cheese.

I give you the Meatloaf Brociole. Brociale (pronounced bra’zhul from the Sicilian pronunciation) in Italian cooking is simply thin strips of beef either pan fried in their own juices or with a bit of olive oil. In keeping with the Italian American tradition of taking something and adding just a bit more to it we still have those thing strips of beef (you can substitute chicken, pork or even fish) but this time around we stuff it with cheese, add some bread crumbs and fry away! There are many variations on this dish. With a simple change of cheese or the addition of a vegetable the taste and texture is transformed. Another take on this is an Involtino (form the Latin voltare or to “turn” the meat around a filling). Everything is the same as above except this is added to a sauce and the Involtini are held together by toothpicks. This is one of those moments where food became not just a single sense experience but a combination of many. I can’t tell you the pavlovian response I would have as this large ovoid dish made it’s way from the kitchen to my mom’s table. The smell would proceed everything and then, in front of me would be placed this landscape of bubbling sauce, with peaks of sausage, involtini, and any other meat or vegetable she felt like throwing in peaking out hinting at all that goodness they were bathing in. Man that’s fucking weird! Anthropomorphizing food.

So, here’s the recipe. Feel free to stuff it with anything and to use any combination of meat. But for God’s sake don’t over cook it. No one wants to gnaw on a baseball glove.

1 – 1 1/2 pounds ground beef, pork and veal mix (or whatever combination you’d like to use)
Salt and pepper
1/2 cup Italian bread crumbs (you could make your own but store bought is ok here)
1 egg
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 small white onion, grated (I can’t tell you how much I hate whole chunks of onion in ground meat. So use a cheese grater and grate that shit son!!!!)
3 tablespoons grated cheese, Parmigiano or Romano
2 tablespoons chopped flat-leaf parsley
1 cup arugula leaves or baby spinach
6-8 slices prosciutto di Parma
6-8 slices deli sliced provolone
Extra-virgin olive oil, for drizzling

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Mix meat and next 10 ingredients as if you were making meatloaf. Be sure not to over mix these items. The less kneading the better end result. Take two cookie sheets and line the inside of one and the bottom of the other with wax paper. Smush the shit out of that bitch!!!!! Now cover meat with arugula or spinach, prosciutto and cheese then using the wax paper as a starter begin to roll your loaf. You all know what a meatloaf should look like so I’m not going to go into dimensions here. Plus if you’re like me and “Measure-mentaly” challenged it doesn’t matter if I say 6 inches or 6 feet. So, make that shit look normal. Besides, internal cooking temp is what’s important here. You’re going to want to cook this loaf of goodness until it reaches an internal temp of about 150-155. With carryover cooking (because you got to let this sucker rest a bit) it’ll reach its desired 160 degrees. For all of you that must have a time frame figure 1 – 1 ½ hours. Vague enough? Drizzle the log with extra-virgin olive oil to coat lightly.

All that’s left is to pop that sucker in the oven and sit back. Do some IM’ing. Texting or whatever you’d like. Maybe when there’s five minutes left you throw some slices of cheese on top and that’s it my friend. Meaty, cheesy goodness awaits. Perhaps a side dish of garlic mashed potatoes for some company, a glass of red wine and consider me satiated.

You’ll be satiated too, as well as feeling quite superior, because Madonna’s “Not Just Like You”, she would never eat something this amazing!

(my bosses are never going to post this)